This was my second year teaching in Arizona, and while some amazing things happened (my 8th graders did a Capstone project resulting in a 5 page paper, presentation and project on the evolution of a subject of their choice) there have been some things going on in my 2nd year that have been difficult to share.
Some of it was beyond my control, but a large part is this feeling that many things that I’ve done have not been as successful as they could have been. I haven’t been satisfied with most of the things I’ve tried this year. I definitely feel like I’m in a valley in my teaching career, and I’ve spent a long time trying to figure out why that is. Last year, I felt that I was trying not to drown because of the sheer amount of work I had to produce for 3.5 different classes. This year, it felt like everything I did wasn't good enough. That I wasn't good enough.
By now you are thinking, "Why is this post on a family history blog?" Well, allow me to explain. As a reward for our 7th and 8th graders, my wonderful and extremely capable co-teachers and I took the students to Antelope Canyon, the Pink Coral Sand Dunes, Bryce and Zion National Parks. We had 33 children, three amazing chaperones and one guide.
I have many fond memories of Southern Utah. We had been there a few times as a family. I grew up with stories of my great great grandparents and the adventures they had in Southern Utah. They were ranchers and farmers. Life was not easy there, but they loved the beauty of it. During the depression, my great grandfather helped build Zion.
We started the trip early on a Saturday morning. We drove to Antelope Canyon and walked through the slots. There were a ton of people and it was crowded. I liked it earlier this year when it wasn't so crowded and I could take pictures like this.
After, we drove to where we would be staying for the evening. It's a little town in Southern Utah, surrounded by red canyons and an hour from Bryce and Zion's. The town is called Kanab, and according to Google has a population of 4,463. Kanab has a Subway, a McDonalds, and a lot of hotels for tourists who want to see the parks (our hotel was amazing!). But, for me, the greatest thing that Kanab had was a cemetery, where my Great-Great Grandparents, Fred and LaVerna are buried, along with my great Aunt and her husband.
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| Driving into Kanab. |
I was on the trip for my students, and trying to help them have a fun time. Our day was packed and we didn't have much personal time. So, early Sunday Morning, before anyone woke up I left the hotel and walked to the cemetery. It was only a 10 minute walk but it was so quiet and peaceful. It was exactly what I needed, because I wasn't able to go to Church that day. As I walked, looking up at the hills and canyons, I realized that it is a sacred thing to walk where your ancestors have walked.
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| Fred in Kanab |
Life can be difficult and we often feel that we are not reaching our potential. We feel lost and disconnected. Hold tight to the memories of the past, of the people who came before you and paved the way. All of Laverna and Fred's children went to college. Their oldest daughter, my Great Grandmother, Edna, became a teacher. Her grandchildren went to college and now her great grandchildren are going to college and creating a better world.
I will climb out of the Valley eventually. Teaching is a continuum – there are moments of great highs and moments of tremendous lows. There have been some lows, but I am trying to hold on to the highs, moments of integrity and growth that proved to me that I am where I'm supposed to be.
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| Bryce Canyon |
I notice these posts are unknown but this is Karen! Call me if you have questions!
ReplyDeleteIt's your second year! There were fewer valleys than you think because you are probably your own worst critic! I don't know many second year teachers who would feel comfortable enough yet to take 8th graders away to a wilderness area for several days ( besides my daughter-in-law who took her crew to Zion about the same time!). You will make mistakes, and many things will not be as successful as you envisioned, but with time and adaptation, you will master those! Only to move to something new, feel inadequate, and then conquer that! It's called teaching! Others and yourself! You are so capable, conscientious, and courageous that you will overcome the obstacles. And then somewhere along the way, you will learn and accept that the new stuff doesn't go well the first, or second... or maybe even the third, fourth or fifth time! But then all of a sudden you will discover that you have learned to anticipate the kinks and plan for those, experiencing success and satisfaction more quickly! Focus on the positives and tweak for next year, the stuff that needs tweaking! And.... don't be too hard on yourself! You took 33 8th graders( of all ages! I should know, that's what I taught!), on a trip and you brought them all back! Safe and sound with lifetime memories that many would never have experienced!